I was on vacation. Don’t be jealous.

3 Dec

This year, for the first time in many, many years, the husband and I decided to stray from the norms of Thanksgivings past and embark on a road trip to beautiful Southern California.  There we would visit friends and family; it was going to be FUN!

Here are the highlights from our nine-day trip:

DAY ONE:

  • On our almost eleven hour drive to San Diego (FAIL), our toddler began, and continued to, shit his britches with such vigor husband deemed it comparable to the sound of a milkshake being blown out of a tuba.
  • Stopped at a Denny’s for dinner in the middle of nowhere.  Was pretty sure there was going to be a zombie attack at any moment.  It was fucking creepy.  In the end though, it was toddler’s next blowout that had me hiding under the table.  I wished for zombies.

PLLLEEAASSEEE ZOMBIES!


NOPE!


  • Eight hours in, why has toddler not passed out yet?  I knew I should have brought the whiskey.  For me.

DAY TWO:

  • Aw, beautiful sunny wet, rainy, and dreary San Diego!  Rain, rain go away.  Don’t ever fucking come back when I’m on vacation!
  • SUSHI!  YAY!  Saki bomb, Saki bomb, Saki bomb.  Karaoke!  YAY!

DAY THREE:

  • Augh.  Katie no feel good.  Hangover?  Wishful thinking.  Try stomach flu.  Thanks milkshake boy.
  • In between puke sessions, attempted to “break” my friends’ cute-n-psycho Chihuahua (Bella).

me: Why you runnin? You come here!

Bella: Bitch you best stop frontin.  I will beat cho ass in this cute ass
dress!  Whhhaatt now?  Huh, huh?

me: Nah, uh?  No you di’nt!

Bella: Bitch, yes I did!

OUCH!  She just bit me on my lip! And not even on the top lip – you
know, the one I want to get some injections in?!?  Hated it!


  • Twelfth hour of throwing up . . . what’s that?  Oh, just cramps.  On the bright side, at least I’m not pregnant.

DAY FOUR:

  • Bye bye San Diego!  Rain and puke.  It was fabulous.
  • Hello L.A.  Please don’t disappoint.
  • YAY, I lost three pounds!  Who loses any pounds on vacation!  I love you stomach flu.  I feel so skinny!  Maybe I should reconsider the whole bulimia thing-I think I just trained for it.
  • Staying with the in-laws.
  • What’s this shit?  SORE THROAT?  You have got to be fucking kidding me!?!

DAY FIVE:

  • Head cold accelerating.  Stressors high.  Scotty, beam me mutha fuckin home.
  • In-law’s dog thinks toddler is a chew toy.
  • La Brea tar pits.  Nothings more depressing than this:
    Mommy!! : (

  • Then I found out there were GIANT sloths!  Just imagine:

This little guy a million times bigger!! Awww!!

DAY SIX:

  • I feel great today!  If by “great” you mean “like shit.”
  • Wow, Rodeo Drive is so awesome!  Popped in to FENDI and blew .15 . . .  after the police escorted me out. (F’n NyQuil.)
  • Ah oh, somebody’s scoring points for hitting pedestrians!  And I’m not talking about Grand Theft Auto or me!
  • I’m going to bed now, but first I will cry my eyes out.  Being sick and on vacation sucks.

DAY SEVEN:

  • It’s a fucking miracle!  I’m WELL!!  Off to the happiest place on earth, the bar Disneyland!!
  • Day seven is bomb.
  • I heart day seven!!
  • !!!♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ Day Seven ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥!!

DAY EIGHT:

  • I almost died today.  Twice.
  • Did you say something?  Can’t hear past the mucus party in my head.  I wasn’t invited.
  • Strolling through Old Pasadena and came upon a most awesome store – Gold Bug featuring an exhibition by:

Lisa Woods
“Insects at Home”

This shit is major!

  • Low-fat Thanksgiving dinner, on a Friday.  It’s magically DELICIOUS!
  • Packin our shit.  There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home.  Click, click, click.

DAY NINE:

  • Shouldn’t really count as a day, and neither should day one.  Driving home.
  • HHHHOOOMMMMMEEEE!!!!!

Summary:  Being sick sucks.  Being sucker punched sick sucks more.  Disneyland is bad ass.  Home is best.

Does this shit only happen to me or what?

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3 Responses to “I was on vacation. Don’t be jealous.”

  1. Michael Edwards December 5, 2010 at 3:17 pm #

    So this is how you stay sane from the blessings of motherhood and economic shadows.

    Pretty close to FOTFL, or even IWMP.
    Read the whole lot like 5 desserts in a row.
    Outrageous fun.

  2. Nikki_Chicken December 7, 2010 at 10:21 am #

    Okay the Chihuahua picture is the best and exactly how I pictured her! LOL!

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